With a big tip of my hat to Odum over at GMD, Cindy Scott at ChristianGays.com (man, that’s a hard set of lifestyles for me to understand coming together, but it does happen somehow) gives us the incredible:

In Defense of Biblical Marriage

by Cindy Scott 

The Presidential Prayer Team is currently urging us to: “Pray for the President as he seeks wisdom on how to legally codify the definition of marriage. Pray that it will be according to Biblical principles. With many forces insisting on variant definitions of marriage, pray that God’s Word and His standards will be honored by our government.”

Any good religious person believes prayer should be balanced by action. So here, in support of the Prayer Team’s admirable goals, is a proposed Constitutional Amendment codifying marriage entirely on biblical principles:

A. Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. (Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5.)

B. Marriage shall not impede a man’s right to take concubines in addition to his wife or wives. (II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chronicles 11:21)

C. A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed (Deut 22:13-21)

D. Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden. (Gen 24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh. 10:30)

E. Since marriage is for life, neither this Constitution nor the constitution of any State, nor any state or federal law, shall be construed to permit divorce. (Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9)

F. If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry the widow. If he refuses to marry his brother’s widow or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be otherwise punished in a manner to be determined by law. (Gen. 38:6-10; Deut 25:5-10)

G. In lieu of marriage, if there are no acceptable men in your town, it is required that you get your dad drunk and have sex with him (even if he had previously offered you up as a sex toy to men young and old), tag-teaming with any sisters you may have. Of course, this rule applies only if you are female. (Gen 19:31-36) 


Personally, I’m a huge fan of “F” and “G”, though, as I commented at GMD:  who gets the shoe though? the State? are my tax dollars going to go to storing vast numbers of single shoes?  Another glaring example of government waste; I’d like to be the first one record in support of privatizing the collection, storage, and possible re-investment of all fines paid by shoe.

And point “G”- did the bible really foretell the social conditions of Hardwick, VT?

Anyway, this was posted over at Vermont’s premiere liberal blog (um, I go there cause I get lonely, OK?) in a comment on Christian’s post about Jon Stewart’s entirely brilliant segment the other night with Republican Mike Huckabee.  I did see that episode of the daily show, and quite frankly, I agree with Christian: one of the best episodes of The Daily Show ever; even more to the point: just amazing television.  As I watched it while my baby slept next to me, she awoke and asked, confused: “what are you watching?” in a manner obviously startled by hearing such an intelligent, nuanced, an in-depth discussion of the role of government in society and the ill-logic of the anti-gay marriage stance (among other issues).