On the heels of Gov. Douglas’ State of the State address to the legislature and the People of Vermont -tomorrow- this afternoon, you gotta kind of wonder why he would bother. I mean, at this point, he’s spent several years informing us of just exactly what the “state” of our State is……

“Good afternoon, thank you…. (obligatory, thunderous applause)
Mr. Shumlin, Mr. Dubie (nodding towards the President Pro Tem and the Lt Gov)….
Dear, ah, Madam Speaker (hug and kiss on the cheek to the Speaker of the House)…..

Esteemed Members of the House and Senate, Fellow Citizens of Vermont, I’d like to inform you that I am hear today to once again remind you, that the youth are fleeing, the jobs are moving away, the environmentalists are inhibiting the creation of new businesses, and the State of Our State is Bad. (more obligatory applause, though with several confused looks from Progressives and Democrats)

In fact, the State of Vermont is in a horrible place. Our taxes are making it impossible for life as we know it to exist here, regulations are driving away potential polluters, and the average working Vermonter is in fact being place on the endangered species list. (lone shout out from Earth First! member in balcony)

Health care profits are in danger thanks to an obnoxiously persistent plea for help from the electorate, our schools are rated among the top in the Nation due largely to a commitment of excellence from our teachers, middle class jobs such as those at our hospitals and universities continue to be secured thanks to unionizing efforts, and friggin’ everyone keeps voting for Bernie.

But make no mistake, in the coming year, I will do everything I can to position myself strategically for a run at the next available Senate seat. I will allow VT Yankee to skirt the system and obtain a license renewal with few if any conditions; I will be sure to fuck up any great opportunities for ‘out of the box thinking’ like I did on the CT River Dams; and I will stop at nothing to derail attempts for a universal health care system, and I will do so in a way that allows me to take credit for its eventual success, should that day come.

For, my fellow Vermonters, Vermont can continue to be a wretched, horrible, inhibitively expensive, snot-covered fly-dung of a place, but only if you continue to allow me to convince you of it. With your support, we can continue our regressive tax system, continue to shift the costs of basic services around and around until eventually the littlest guy is getting screwed, and, goll darn it, if you won’t let me do it to anything else, at least let me privatize the lottery system!
(applause from the 12 people still in the room)